Tuesday, September 8, 2009


This weekend we didn't have a vacation planned, there were no big plans, we just kept it simple and stayed home. We had some things to exchange for Colin so we had a free "shopping spree" which was fun and even more fun because it was free! But this weekend I realized just how blessed I am.

When I think of this family of five that I have I just want to cry because I am so grateful and don't know what I did to get so lucky to have these people and this dog in my life.

I wake up each morning to my husband cuddling with me in bed, I get to feed my son and just stare into his eyes while mine actually wake up and start to focus. Then Colin and I spend some time cuddling and the fact that he finds so much contentment cuddling with his mom makes me so grateful. The fact that I am a source of comfort and safety to him by just holding him definitely makes me feel like I have a purpose. Then Jason leaves for work saying goodbye to all of us with kisses, hugs and whispers goodbye.

I then get to enjoy a day at home with the kids and Hauser. I'm greeted with hugs and kisses from Ashley every morning and she reminds me every day that she thinks I'm "the best" or she loves me "sooooo much". She loves just being with me, even if it's just to watch me make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich she wants to be by my side while I do it and she'll tell me how I've done such a great job or that I make the best sandwiches (it's a small thing but it matters to me). Of course, there is nothing I love more than when Ashley asks if I will cuddle with her. I know one day she isn't going to be so fond of cuddling with me so I'm soaking up these cuddles while I've got them.

With Colin, he can cry but the moment I pick him up he stops and it's as good as him saying, "I love you mom". The occasional unintentional smiles that he flashes make me smile and make me look forward to the day when he will intentionally smile at me. He requires a lot of work but none of it feels like a chore because he's just so sweet.

Then there's Hauser. He loves me and I don't know why. Jason is the fun one when it comes to play time with Hauser and Jason does all the doggy chores, but, for some reason Hauser still loves me. When I'm washing dishes he'll come in the kitchen and just sit on my feet, he'll sit on the floor in front of me while I'm on the couch or rest his head on my lap. He loves my kids and lets them get away with anything because he loves them so much. Ashley was playing "peek-a-boo" with him last night and the two of them were under a blanket for almost half an hour and he didn't ever try to get out because he loved being with Ashley. When Colin is in his swing, Hauser is there at Colin's feet just watching him and if he starts to cry Hauser will sit up and wait for me to take care of Colin. I feel like he is the male version of the dog nana in Peter Pan, I don't think he could get any better.

Today Ashley asked to hold her brother and while she did she marveled at his tiny fingers, she tickled his chin and counted his toes and said over and over how much she loved him. If he started to fuss she'd say, "shhhhh, it's alright buddy, it's ok" and give him his binky. While I watched her with him I was reminded of my friend who said when she walks into her kids' room there is just so much love in there she can feel it. Well, while watching Ashley with Colin I felt like I was staring at a big heap of love. There are no words to describe how much I love them, there is no measurement or calculator to determine the amount of love, it's indescribable and something you can only feel and I am so blessed to know that feeling.

I'm even luckier that I get to be with these kids each day. There are some sacrifices that are made: we don't have lavish vacations, I don't have designer clothes or mounds of jewelry but this weekend I was reminded that none of that could replace the rewards and love that I get from my family. When we were shopping this weekend my heart didn't ache because I couldn't buy clothes for myself even though I'm sick of wearing the same things I've worn for the last nine months but I know my heart would ache if I had to give up time with my family. The fact that I don't have to make that sacrifice leaves me feeling more than blessed.


J. Gruenemay said...

So insightful and so true! You make me want to jump on the baby bandwagon. It's so much work, and so much joy. And when all is said and done, all you remember is the joy.